I want to dedicate this post to my friend Suzie. She was one of the best visiting teachers I've ever had. At the time I knew she cared but I can look back and see how much she loved me as one of her sisters.
Anyhow, it's her that has me opening up about my recent trials.
We moved and its been difficult. I'm developing friendships but I still don't feel like I have any that are super deep. I miss that about living in Moscow or Tacoma. In both places I was really blessed with great friends I could call night or day. And we did. Making new friends kind of blows, and not like the beautiful kite in the wind.
I have been struggling today because Chris is out of town... And we'll my motivation for anything went with him. I have a completely new respect for single moms. My sister did it for many years and I was way harsher on judging her than I thought I was at the time. 20/20 right?
Anyhow, I did not want to do anything. My poopy toddler woke me up this morning with his cabelas pop gun (probably one f his favorite toys we've EVER gotten him and the one I have left in the Car since December, no joke) and I wanted nothing to do with it. Plus it was like 30 minutes before my alarm. He's an early bird and full of energy. Shortly after him it was Lulu and then it was all tantrums and nagging.
I'm so used to having help between five and seven thirty pm. I did the dishes today and made food. No cleaning no nothing major. I was just caving into my pity and definitely was treating my body that way too.
I feel like its so easy to drown in your own misery and self pity. I took the chance on Monday to watch the CES fireside with Brother and Sister Bednar. Elder Bednar narrated the story of this young couple and their trials. The one phrase I got out of all of it was something to this effect "it's more than enduring to the end but not shrinking". At first I didn't get it but as today went on I felt it and I did shrink a little but was able to straighten myself back out. I feel like being a stay at home mom is more difficult than I ever thought it would be but also more rewarding as well. I feel like I'm failing a lot in being a good mom, but I can say that I have been trying and trying to not shrink under the task.
That's all I got right at this point in time. I'd love to be able to have more meaningful posts about something or about my kids but this is where it's at currently.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Wow time flies!
Right now I am laying in my dark bedroom using my iPhone to type this... Somehow trying to fool Oaks into thinking I'm asleep so he should be too. Chris is currently on his was to Missouri for work.
I feel the bountiful blessings that are apon my head right now, as I type this. I've know for a while that Chris would be going out of town, basically six weeks. I think it ends up being five weeks over a six week period or something like that. Anyway, way longer than I like.
We want to go on adage yesterday, my birthday, but then we couldn't fid a sitter and Oaks had a flair up f his stomach issues... We've been sick almost since the end of December.
Anyhow, we got asked to take a calling last week and I just about lost it because of all of this stress. Plus the calling was for both of us. I felt over whelmed and completely in over my head with my family responsibilities and then add a calling with no husband for help.
I have sporadically been crying over the past few weeks just due to the pure stress that being home with the kids out any type of help, seriously scares me. I feel like Oaks was given to me because I was supposed to be pushed to be better and well I don't always enjoy the process of developing to be better and Lulu is a hold me" child. If her life was exactly what she wanted it would be 24/7 cuddles with some chocolate almond milk.
I worried about how I was going to Coe, I still kind of do, but I got blessed with knowing I will be okay.
Anyway sorry I haven't posted lately. Ill try to be better.
The photo of Lulu & Chris is in the middle of the night when we should be sleeping but she was wanting cuddles due to teething. Seriously the best thing in the world to see.
I feel the bountiful blessings that are apon my head right now, as I type this. I've know for a while that Chris would be going out of town, basically six weeks. I think it ends up being five weeks over a six week period or something like that. Anyway, way longer than I like.
We want to go on adage yesterday, my birthday, but then we couldn't fid a sitter and Oaks had a flair up f his stomach issues... We've been sick almost since the end of December.
Anyhow, we got asked to take a calling last week and I just about lost it because of all of this stress. Plus the calling was for both of us. I felt over whelmed and completely in over my head with my family responsibilities and then add a calling with no husband for help.
I have sporadically been crying over the past few weeks just due to the pure stress that being home with the kids out any type of help, seriously scares me. I feel like Oaks was given to me because I was supposed to be pushed to be better and well I don't always enjoy the process of developing to be better and Lulu is a hold me" child. If her life was exactly what she wanted it would be 24/7 cuddles with some chocolate almond milk.
I worried about how I was going to Coe, I still kind of do, but I got blessed with knowing I will be okay.
Anyway sorry I haven't posted lately. Ill try to be better.
The photo of Lulu & Chris is in the middle of the night when we should be sleeping but she was wanting cuddles due to teething. Seriously the best thing in the world to see.
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